Dear Advertiser:

We’ve noticed that you have some money that we’re not getting. This is naturally a situation which causes us grave concern, and so we’ve assigned a team of ambitious young engineers and MBA’s to the problem, and we’re excited to tell you what they’ve come up with: Automatic Budget Depletion.

Yes, it sounds too good to be true. The best part, you don’t even have to turn it on. We’ve done that for you!

From now on, you can rest assured you’re relieved of the burdonsome task of deciding where and how you want to advertise on Google. Don’t worry about what keywords are relevant to the search queries executed by the types of customers you’d like to attract. Forget about complicated matters like match type selection and bid determination. Crafting text-ads to match the desires and intents of your prospects – those days are gone!

From now on, just give us a few clues and we’ll take care of everything else. And that terrible end-of-the-month-oh-god-we-didn’t-blow-every-penny-we-had trama will be over forever. For while we still can’t tell you the true ROI of your campaigns, we can now assure you that you won’t know the return on your *entire* budget instead of having to suffer with only that kind of partial knowledge.

While we know this is exciting, we assure you that we aren’t finished improving your marketing experience yet. Right now our very own gmail engineers are busily porting over that feature which incrementally increases the size of your gmail storage so it can work on your campaign budgets too. Pretty soon you won’t even have to lift a finger to increase those. Just in time for summer vacation.

One small word of warning, however. We’ve decided that in the best interest of our users we’ll be forced to invoke quality score penalties on any landing pages which include clashing colors, dangling participles, or excessive metaphors. To ease your transition to these new rules for the next 18 months we will allow pages with these affronts to still receive clicks, but only if the CPC to Max Bid ratio was greater than .85 else these keywords will see new higher minimum bid requirements.

Thank you again for your continued blind and unquestioning support to our programs.

- The Adwords Team